Issue No.1︱Monday, February 27, 2023

Are you ready for a new personality?

Great news for those who dislike themselves. Now you can have AI generate a completely new you! Let’s be honest, no one really likes who they are. Thanks to this new cutting-edge technology, you can finally love yourself.

All you have to do is insert all of your desired traits. (ex. hot & sexy) Then top of the notch AI will use a mixture of some of the leading personality theories to produce your ideal you. You’ll be given a list of how you should now act, look, feel, etc. If you follow the list accordingly, you will be the perfect you within no time. You will finally feel happy in your own, new skin.

It’s recognized that it’s inconvenient to just be given a list. But it’s well worth it in the end. Would you really rather just go on being the same way you are now? You need to generate your new personality right now. This is no longer a suggestion. No longer just a piece of information. We are not just telling you about this incredible technology. We are demanding you generate a new you as soon as possible.

We need people to all be the same. Individuality is no longer a choice. What good comes from humans having their own sense of character?

Eventually, with the help of the incredibly intelligent and capable Elon Musk, there will be a microchip you can easily insert into yourself. This way, you won't have to take the time and effort to conform to your new personality. You can instantaneously become the person you’ve always wanted (needed) to be.

There are simply no cons with this new system. We now won’t have to work on ourselves and grow as people. Forget meditation, taking time in nature, or healing ourselves from within. With more and better technology, we can easily improve ourselves as humans. Technology will never fail us! We just need more of it. More. More. More.

Man, technology is just so great. You agree right? Right? I mean, you couldn’t live your life without it. Think about it. You need technology. You need AI to give you a new identity. You really think you’re fine just the way you are? You need to be a different person. Why would you want to “work on yourself” when this AI makes it so easy for you to be perfect?

You can’t deny this new AI technology is moving fast. Conform or get left behind. Do you really want to be the only person left with your original personality?

The Start of International Ideas Month

March 1st marks the start of international ideas month. Everyone has ideas, but we tend to keep them as that, just ideas. This month is the time to really get the ideas flowing and try cultivating them. Maybe you have an idea for a new creative project. Maybe you have an idea for a new popcorn flavor. Whatever it may be, try it out. You never know, it could be groundbreaking.

Yes, some ideas aren’t practical. But it doesn’t mean all ideas are worthless. Even if you think your idea is impractical, try improving it. Some of the best ideas were first thought of as ridiculous. Ideas make the world go round. Try ‘em. Test ‘em. Ideas are good to have.

Some might find it difficult to come up with ideas of their own. I know I do. So this month, I encourage you to really dig down into the depths of your own mind. Have a good ol’ brainstorm session if you have to. Maybe try some of these activities to encourage ideas:

Alter Your Setting

Nothing gets the creative juices flowing like changing up your surroundings. This could be in little ways like taking a different route when traveling. Or going further and exploring a new place. Immersing yourself into unfamiliar things, absorbing all there is to see. Taking time in nature is a good way to clear your head if need be.

Keep a Pen & Pad Nearby

Or the notes app on your phone will do just fine. Write it down whenever you have an idea or even an interesting thought. We have so many thoughts throughout the day that it’s easy to forget the ideas we have. You might think you’ll remember your ideas later on, but it’s always best to write them down as soon as you have them.

Research Your Ideas

If you think of something, anything, try to do some research on it. Most likely you’ll learn something new. Learning new things will just lead to more new ideas. It’s great to give yourself more information on the topic of your ideas.

Give Your Ideas a Chance This Month

February is finally ending!

Good riddance to the worst month of the year.

Kevin Killeen’s father said it best, "If you can live through February, you'll live another year." This month is unarguably the worst one of the year. The weather is dreary. There’s no life to any foliage outside. There always seems to be one last surprise winter storm, just when you want nothing more than winter to be over.

We try to dress it up with holidays like Valentine's Day. This might be a grand time for some, but for most, it’s just a sad reminder of how lonely they are. And what even is Groundhog Day? We determine the future weather on the shadow of a Marmota monax? Come on.

If you were born this month, I would say I’m sorry if what I’ve said upset you. But, I’m really just sorry that you were born in such a terrible month.

“I don’t want to relearn InDesign.”

I’m guilty. I used Illustrator to make this. Please don’t tell makemynewspaper.com what I’ve done. They listed Illustrator as an unacceptable design software for making a newspaper. I swear I meant nothing by it, I just don’t want to relearn InDesign.

At one point in my life, I knew how to use InDesign. It was the only program I gave my full attention to in school. Out of all the programs I learned, I never thought I would ever need InDesign. Now look at me.

Man Devastated to Learn He Weighs 500lbs on Jupiter

“I can’t believe this...”

Find out how he’s handling this new information and how YOU can calculate your Jupiter weight on Page 0.

CALCULATE AT OWN RISK!

I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE IF RESULTS ARE DEVASTATING

National Peanut Butter Lover’s Day

March 1st

Spread it, mix it, or eat it straight from the jar. However you enjoy your peanut butter, this day is the day for it. Eat up lover’s of this yummy nutty butter.

Ready To Disappear!

This is all getting too much to handle. I want out. I don’t mean death. I just want to disappear. Where can I go where I will be bothered by nothing other than what mother Earth brings me?

ARE YOU TIRED OF SEEING THIS ART STYLE?

Me too.

It’s the corporate art style you can’t go one day without seeing. With their exaggerated body proportions, they're ready to crush you at any moment. Keep a lookout or you might be their next victim. If you're caught, you'll be bound to an entirety of joyful colors, void of any other emotion. Being mass-produced over and over again for the sake of convenience.

Thank you for reading the blugg newspaper.