Issue No. 13︱Monday, June 3, 2024

Why do people think this?

I’m about to say something that might completely change what you think about me: I don’t like dogs. Yes, you heard me right. I said it. I don’t like dogs. You’re probably expecting an apology from me, but I don’t think it’s necessary. I don’t have to apologize for not liking dogs. I bet if I were to say I didn’t like cats, you’d happily agree with me, and we would go on with our days. So why is it that people freak out when you don’t like dogs?

I mean, I have to go around pretending I’m a dog person so I don’t get burned at the stake. If I dare even mention I don’t care much for dogs—which I have to state that way because if I fully say I dislike dogs, I’ll really be asking for it—people look at me like I just butchered their grandmother right in front of them. They seem to think I’m an actual evil person. They act like I’m about to rip their dogs from them and slaughter them for my stew.

I just don’t understand this reaction. I don’t hate dogs. I’m not going to harm dogs. I just don’t find them appealing whatsoever. I would prefer not to be around them; I just don’t know how to act. Like, what am I supposed to do with this thing? What does it want from me? I grew up around more dogs than cats, so you’d think I would be used to being around them, but even as a kid, I didn’t care much for them.

Their actions are too unpredictable. They don’t respect my personal boundaries the way cats do. Yes, I know cats will sleep on you if they feel so inclined, but it feels different than a random dog coming up to you and getting in your lap or leaping up with its front paws on you. I don’t want that. Who does the dog think it is? And what’s with dogs just going right into your ass with their noses, huh? That’s appealing to you?

Like I said, I have to go around walking on eggshells with dog owners because if I show even the slightest disinterest in their pet, they will have it out for me. Dog owners really think they can do whatever they want. No matter what the park sign says, they won’t have their dog on a leash because “they’re well behaved." Well, apparently not, ma'am, for your dog is disrespecting my personal bubble.

Now if you were to turn the tables and my cat was the one interfering with their personal boundaries—which he wouldn’t do because he doesn’t even interfere with my personal boundaries, meaning he hates just about everyone equally—they could openly say, “Oh, I hate cats. Please get him away from  me." and I would probably apologize and get him away from them. I wouldn’t understand the cat hate, but it wouldn’t go any further than that. 

People can go around and trash cats all they want, and no one will bat an eye. It seems most people like dogs because they can control them. They don’t like the idea that a cat wants to be left alone most of the time. Humans really think they can just own an animal, and it has to cooperate. Maybe I’m just reaching with that statement, but it does seem humans think they can rule over everything, and it starts with the dogs.

Now here’s where I would usually go off on some absurd idea that humans aren’t actually at the top of the food chain, but I’m not going to. Can cat and dog lovers just respect each other's preferences and, please, for the love of god, put your dog on a leash.

Woman Takes Balloon Ride of a Lifetime

The conditions were partly cloudy when [REDACTED] set off on her fateful trip just shy of two weeks ago. She had been piloting hot-air balloons for years, knowing the ins and outs of this unique mode of transportation. She recalls the takeoff was like any other, but once she was in the air, the clouds became thicker. Before she knew it, she couldn’t see the ground beneath her. 

She thought maybe she had flown too high, so she tried easily heading back down, hoping to break away from the clouds surrounding her. As she came back down, she felt relief, as she could start to see light break below her. The clouds faded away, and she again had a clear view of the landscape. Only something was different.

She states the earth around her was unfamiliar. Again, the sun had been shining when she left, and her takeoff point had been in a desert-like environment, but when she came out of the clouds, the environment around her was something she had never seen before. The plant life was bountiful and green, but not the rich green you may be thinking of. This green was light, with yellow tints, and almost translucent, with the appearance that at night it could very well glow. 

The water was more or less the same. While it did have some blue coloring, the unusual green color still dominated. There didn’t appear to be a cloud in the sky, but there was no sunshine whatsoever. It looked as if there was an overcast. Down by a small river, there was a creature stirring about. It looked large and cat-like, most resembling a mountain lion, but not exactly. It had a faded, creamy color to it, and its limbs looked disproportionate to its body. It had a long tail that flared towards the tip. What the creature was doing couldn’t be explained, but it seemed aware that it was not alone. 

[REDACTED] was fascinated with this place. She wanted to land her balloon and get an up-close introduction to this world, but just as the idea came to mind, her balloon was jerked upwards. It was like something else was controlling it. like a large, invisible hand had picked it up and was bringing it higher up. [REDACTED] looked up to see what was causing this movement, only to see nothing. When she looked back down, there was nothing but a gray-greenish sky. She began seeing fog around her and realized she must’ve just floated back into the clouds. 

Confused about how all of this was possible, she rested against the basket of her balloon. She took some time to recall all that had happened, and when she came back to consciousness, she realized she was breaking through the clouds once again. This time, though, everything looked familiar to her. She hadn’t even drifted very far from her original takeoff point. She landed her balloon and went on with her day, only to later realize she had been declared missing and had been gone for two weeks. but to [REDACTED], it had only been a couple of hours. 

Waking up in Ludlow

It was a glowing 5:41AM when you woke up that June 1st morning. The car ride had been long, and it still wasn’t over. You had another 5 hours until you’d make it to your destination, but that didn’t matter. At that very moment, you were enjoying the present.

You had only had an hour-long nap in the uncomfortably cramped car before the slowly rising sun was bright enough to awaken you. This was the first bit of sun since the previous sunset, and you had already made it through an entire state. You knew when you looked out the window for the first time, you’d see surroundings unfamiliar to you. You just didn’t know what exactly to expect. When you lifted your head up to take it all in, it was better than imagined.

The first thing to catch your eye was the beaming sun just slightly coming over the mountains in the distance. The mountains are like none you have seen before. You looked to your left and saw a little cafe that had yet to open. the sign reading Ludlow Cafe. In the parking lot next to the car, a huge raven sat, presumably looking for a snack. Eventually, you had to leave this magical little spot and get back on the road, only to see even more beauty. There was sand everywhere, and what little plant life there was, was shrubs and cacti. This was the type of environment you had longed most to see, and you loved every second of it. 

My Cat Reminds Me of Raskolnikov From Crime and Punishment

Hug Your Cat Day

June 4th is National Hug Your Cat Day. Give your little fur ball a hug and show them just how much you appreciate them, even though they’re not a dog. They might hate it and want to kill you, but there’s no harm in trying. Well, I guess, other than the physical harm they could bring to you through scratches and bites.

Say Cheese!

Does this look like a piece of cheese? I hope it does. Either way, June 4th is National Cheese Day.

Wear Protection

You always need to make sure you wear protection. What kind of protection? Eye protection. Those UV rays are no joke. Protect your eyes with some sunglasses this June 6th for National Eyewear Day.

NATIONAL DONUT DAY

June 7th

Thank you for reading the blugg newspaper.