Issue No. 9︱Monday, May 6, 2024

Another challenge, another failure.

Well, well, well, look who failed yet another design challenge. It’s the same culprit as last time. Will she ever learn that she can never stick to anything? What a complete loser! I guess now I’m stuck once again reporting the story with a suspicious amount of knowledge and detail.

It was an average August night when the culprit came across a video titled Your next challenge is BIG (and it starts today) by creator struthless. The culprit’s curiosity was intrigued, so she clicked on the video. By the end of it, she believed this challenge was something she could stick to and was fully on board with the idea.

She began making all the necessary preparations for the challenge that was to begin in a mere two weeks. There was just one major thing she needed to decide on: what was she going to create? What grand, medium-expanding idea could she come up with?

You might be thinking, Maybe she could make some interesting video essays every week. Or maybe she could, um, I don't know, continue making the weekly newspaper she created a few months back. A project that she found joy and passion through. Or maybe she could create... album collages..? Yes, I was just as confused as you when I first heard this is what she decided on.

At this time in her life, the culprit wasn’t sure what kind of art she wanted to create. Even though, again, she had that newspaper she loved so much, she had been going back and forth with different ideas and styles. Nothing just seem to fit her. Except you know, maybe that newspaper. She had always enjoyed the look of digital collages, so she thought, Well, maybe I could take a crack at it.

This is when she came across that video and learned about the alphabet superset. So she finally decided she would create a digital collage for an album she had saved on Spotify throughout the years. An album whose title would correspond with the letter of the week.

So it was settled. The culprit knew what she wanted to do, and before she knew it, the time had come. It was week one of the alphabet superset. Everything went fine. She made her collage and was happy with it for the most part. The next two weeks came and went; she kept going.

By the time the fourth week came, the culprit started to feel different. She felt that maybe it was pointless for her to keep posting on social media and that the things she was creating weren’t really what she wanted to create. So she quit, just like she did the previous challenge. 

Winter came, and the temperatures dropped, along with the culprit’s motivation. Reference the bar chart below. She knew she still wanted to create something, but what? Then she remembered the newspaper, which she had so much pleasure creating months before. It’s about time she remembers.

She decided come next spring, she would revive her old joy and create round two of the newspaper. This time doing it right. She would commit twenty-six weeks—six whole months—to creating a newspaper every week, each corresponding with a letter of the alphabet. In an attempt to make up for her failure of the alphabet set, but will she be able to do it?

“My Grades Depend on the Teacher”

When I was in school, I went through different phases with the academic subjects I excelled in. In grade school, I was an excellent speller—now I can never spell definitely right—middle school, I loved english and writing—now I don’t even know where I should put semicolons—then in high school, I developed a passion for algebraic math—don’t even ask me about simple, day-to-day math problems.

Now the reason for all of these interests in different subjects boils down to one thing: do I like the teacher that’s teaching me? If I did like and respect the teacher, you bet your fine ass that I would bend over backwards to ensure I got good grades because if I ever saw they were disappointed in me, I’d hate myself.

If I didn’t like or respect the teacher, I would sometimes go out of my way to make sure I failed, just to spite them. For example, I didn’t care one ounce for my science teacher in 8th grade, so I never put in any effort on daily papers or even tests. I actually wrote Kentucky Fried Chicken for an answer on a test once. I can’t remember what the question was, but I can assure you that the answer was not KFC.

So that’s that. I can’t enjoy something unless I like the person explaining it to me. But what if I hate something I teach myself...?

The Kind of Stories You Could Be Reading

A story written by AI.

Once upon a time, there was a young boy named Liam. Liam was no ordinary child; he was incredibly smart. He had a profound curiosity about the world, an insatiable thirst for knowledge, and an impressive ability to absorb and understand new information. His intelligence was apparent from a young age. He could solve complex puzzles, read advanced books, and even engage in intellectual discussions with adults. He was a walking encyclopedia, a human calculator, and a budding philosopher all rolled into one.

As he grew older, his intelligence didn’t wane. Instead, it became more refined and versatile. He excelled in his studies, outperforming his peers in every subject. He could solve mathematical problems faster than his computer, and he could write essays that would move people to tears. His teachers were astounded by his intelligence and often joked that he knew more than they did.

However, it wasn’t just his academic brilliance that set him apart. He also had a deep understanding of people and their emotions. He used his intelligence to help his friends with their problems, to mediate disputes, and to spread kindness and understanding. His ability to empathize with others and see things from their perspective, despite his high intellect, made him a beloved figure in his community.

Liam's story teaches us that being smart isn't just about excelling academically. It's also about understanding people, solving real-world problems, an—Sorry had to cut it off here. Bitch bot wouldn’t stop yapping.

This is the type of stuff you could be reading instead of the ramblings from inside my human head. It may be better written. It may be grammatically correct. It may know where to put semicolons.

But it doesn’t have the soul.

We here at blugg would like to formally apologize for any grammatical errors in the previous or future newspapers you might read. It’s not our intent. Our proofreaders just aren't exactly good at proofreading.

The Production Chart

This here is a bar chart with information regarding the culprit’s productivity throughout the seasons.

This is very important information that you defineately need to know.

MAY IS NATIONAL TENNIS MONTH

Starting May 1st, make sure to get out on the courts and hit that little yellow ball around. Also, make sure you do a lot of grunting every time you hit it. You’re not a good tennis player if you don’t grunt. Remember that.

No Socks Day

Do you ever panic and feel an inevitable sense of doom when your feet are contained within foot covers, more commonly known as socks? Anyone? No? Okay, anyway...

May 8th is No Socks Day.

May 9th

Get to your kitchen and put your thinking cap on, for it’s the day to write something out with those little magnetic letters you keep on the fridge door. If you have any precious child artwork on display, get it out of the way. This is more important.

Thank you for reading the blugg newspaper.