Issue No. 27︱Monday, September 9, 2024

Some thoughts on self care.

We’re here to discuss the topic of self-care. Some people don’t practice self-care at all, and some might become obsessed with it. Self-care feels like a strange thing to talk about. It feels weird to tell others they should take care of themselves when they might not have the privilege to. Like if someone were to tell you that you need to go get a deep tissue massage and relax when you’re swamped with tasks and low on money. It’s like, “Who the fuck does this person think they are?”

There’s some people who have the means to practice self-care but don’t. They’re stuck in the mindset that nothing they do will ever make anything better—I understand behavioral health can be a son of a bitch—so they don’t even bother trying anything. I’ve seen tons of comments on posts where someone suggests just going outside every day to get some sun, and people were livid. They listed every way how that’s impossible for them and bashed the creator for being insensitive.

So maybe I’m being insensitive, but it seems some of these people are just stuck in a comfort loop and don’t want to better themselves. You could suggest that maybe they shouldn’t get on their phone as soon as they wake up and doomscroll for an hour, and they will act like you just asked them to murder their pet. I get that trying to better yourself can be tough, but that’s the point of growth. You’re never going to feel better if you don’t put in a minimal amount of effort—if you have the means to. Basic self-care isn’t as elaborate as some seem to think it is.

Another strange thing about self-care are streaks. Just about every self-care app—don’t even get me started on self-care apps—has some kind of streak feature. At first, it seems streaks are great. They let you visually see your progress and how well you’re doing. You can feel accomplished looking back on all those filled-in days, but what if you miss a day?

This is where I think streaks become harmful. You could have made amazing progress and feel great, then you see that you’ve broken your streak and have to start from scratch. For some, this can be demotivating, like all the progress you made didn’t count for anything. Just keep in mind that streaks are just streaks, and if you miss a day, that’s completely okay. If one day you wake up and you realize you feel better than you used to, that’s all that matters.

People can also get so obsessed with streaks that they don’t even put in the actual effort to better themselves. They shake their phone to get their step count in; they spam random text in their journal app. They’re only doing it so they don’t break that streak. Obviously, you can see why that’s a problem. You’re not actually trying to improve yourself; only the streak.

Since I started, I’m going to continue: self-care apps. I’ve tried some of them, and yes, I’ve even paid for the premium version, but I really think most apps you can do without. It’s quite infuriating when an app—or any kind of self-care program, for that matter—tries to make you think you need to buy their premium subscription. There’s no way you’ll make progress unless you pay us $5 a month. Most of the tools provided in these apps are easily found for free online. It might take more effort, but you’re saving some money, and I, myself, find enjoyment out of making my own self-care routine that fits me.

Alien Reveal in 2027

For the 27th issue of blugg we reveal what will happen in the year 2027. As you may recall, in issue 7, we discussed the year 2027 and how there was something suspicious about it. We now have more information on the topic and would like to inform you. In the year 2027, alien species will finally reveal themselves.

You heard us right. The question that has infatuated humans since the beginning of time will finally be answered. Aliens are in fact real, and we will learn all about them in the year 2027, and hopefully everyone will be there to witness it. How we came across this information will remain hidden, but rest assured, you can trust us.

We know aliens are real and have been showing themselves for quite some time now. Some people actually have the ability to communicate with them and are frequently visited by them. These people have told us that the aliens want to show themselves in the year 2027 when they feel humanity is ready for it.

This means the aliens might keep themselves from us if they don’t think we are ready to accept their existence. So we need to start letting them know we’re ready. Open your mind and think beyond everything you know or have been taught. Let the idea of an unknown species be something you desire. You never know just what they might do for us.

They might be so advanced on their planet and see how much ours is struggling and want to help. The people that can communicate with the aliens have assured us they mean us no harm. They’re only here to help and teach if we’re willing to listen. So please, by the year 2027, let the aliens know you want them here because you never know what wonders they could do for us.

If I Die During Surgery

As this blugg is being released, I am on the operating table. If I happen to perish, there will be 2 more issues coming out as they are pre-scheduled. It will be like I’m writing blugg from beyond the grave. How fun! The next two issues will be for letters T and U. The next issue is quite aggressive, so I do apologize. Also, maybe karma bit me in the ass and I did die because of all the things I wrote for T.

If I’m dead, the last 5 issues for letters V, W, X, Y, and Z will never come, for again, I am dead. Unless the afterlife has Wi-Fi and a computer, I can still post, but unfortunately I don’t think it does. Side note: as I’m writing this, a song titled Last Breath began playing, so it’s not looking good for me.

I guess if I’m dead and can’t post anymore, which means I failed the alphabet superset again. At least I got a lot closer to finishing it this time. Never could I have thought back in May when I began writing blugg again that I might fail because I died during surgery. I thought it’d be because I got overwhelmed and couldn’t keep up.

Kind of interesting that I chose the topic for S to be self-improvement so many months ago, and now it’s the issue that’s coming out the day I have surgery. Life is crazy, and it kind of annoys me. Well, I guess I’ll go now. If I do survive, I’ll let you know in issue 30, which will be for the letter V, and if the topic stays the same, will be about the value of birthdays. Which is funny because if I die, I won’t have another birthday.

If issue 30 comes out late, it’s either because I’m dead or I don’t have the willpower to get it done in time, but I’ll try my best to get it out at some point if I’m not again, dead.

With health care prices so outrageous, people can no longer afford Dr. Pepper, so we have compiled a list of other doctor alternatives:

Dr. Thunder

Dr. Bob

Dr. Choice

Dr. Shasta

WE HOPE THIS HELPS

There’s no room for flaws and growth. You must be born perfect, or else.

Gobstopper Day

September 14th

The Gobstopper. Are they truly everlasting? You’ll just have to find out for yourself on September 14th.

While we’re on the topic of self-improvement, Online Learning Day is coming up on September 15th. If you’ve been wanting to learn something new recently, now's the time to sit down and see if you could learn it online. Or just look, even if you don’t know what you want to learn, you never know what you’ll find.

DOES THIS SOUND LIKE YOU?

Oh damn, I have to eat again!

Well, fear forgetting to eat no more! With our new app, you can get a notification every time you need to eat! And don’t worry about needing to know what to eat. We got you covered there too. Just make sure you give us access to all of your data so we can determine when and what you need to eat.

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Time Healed Wound

Not to sound cheesy, but time really did heal my wound. The 3-year anniversary of one of the worst mental days of my life passed this year, and I didn’t even realize it. Thanks, Father Time, you son of a bitch.

Thank you for reading the blugg newspaper.