Issue No. 31︱Monday, October 7, 2024

Watch out for the signs.

If you or someone you know has ever experienced a power outage, there might be a chance that you or they have been replaced by a shadow person. You won’t know it at first, especially with yourself. It’s hard to know that the shadow person has taken over your own body, but you will be able to tell if someone else has been replaced. The signs might not be clear at first, but you’ll start to wonder why this person is acting differently than normal.

It’s unknown exactly how these shadow people take over your mind. The only thing we know is that they strike at night when the power goes out. Maybe it’s because you are in a vulnerable state; they can easily manipulate you. When the power goes out and you’re suddenly left in the dark, fear can easily take hold of your mind. The next thing you’ll probably want to do is find a source of light. The shadows know that, and that’s when they’ll get you.

They cannot create power outages, so no need to worry that they can take over any night. Just be wary when you know there’s a possibility of a power outage. Try to stay awake and in as much light as you can; the shadow can only get you if you’re surrounded by darkness, and there’s no source of electricity where ever you’re at. Also, know that they can only strike right after the power goes out; they feed on that initial fear you may have.

The shadows want to take hold before you can find that source of light, which acts as a shield. If they manage to get to you before then, well, it’s too late. You’ll never know that the shadow has taken control of your mind. You may think you saved yourself and feel a bit of relief, not knowing that the shadow is lurking in your mind and learning everything about you.

They want to become you. So they’ll take some time gathering your thoughts and studying the way you behave. It will take a while for them to do this, and you won’t know it’s even happening. Once they learn everything they need, they’ll start to slowly take over, little by little, and alter your mind. You may begin to think thoughts you’ve never had before. You may have the urge to do things you’ve never had interest in before. You will brush it off and maybe not even take note of it, but others around you will start to see something is happening to you.

You won’t be the same to them. You’ll seem off-putting. They might begin to suspect there’s something happening in your life that you’re keeping secret. You’ll see them change their attitude towards you, and you’ll wonder what’s happening. In your mind, nothing has changed. You’re the same person you always have been, besides the few changes in desires you notice yourself having, but it’s not enough to change your whole personality. so you think. That’s exactly what the shadow wants. Once they isolate you from everyone you know, the full transformation can begin. The goal for them is to fully become the shadow version of you. One day, without anyone knowing, they will transform your body into merely a shadow. You’ll still be there, lurking in your mind, but you have no control. You can only watch as the shadow does whatever it pleases with you.

Who Controls the Weather?

We finally know who controls the weather machine.

You may have heard recent rumors about a weather machine and who controls it. Well, we’re here to tell you it is 100% true. There is, in fact, a weather machine, and we know who controls it. Now it may not be who you think it is; you may think it’s some higher up, trying to use the weather machine to sway the population's opinion, but that’s simply not true. The weather is being controlled by a much simpler person.

How this ordinary being got their hands on a weather-controlling machine is beyond us; we only know they use it to get revenge or to have a little fun. Most recently, they wanted to get revenge.

It was a regular morning for this person; after they made themselves breakfast, they wanted to sit down, relax, and watch an episode of a show they enjoy. They turned on the TV and clicked one of the many steaming services to choose from, only to be met with an alert. The service demanded the person live under the same roof as the account owner; that password sharing was forbidden. Anger took control, and they headed to their weather machine, determined to get revenge. They aimed their sights at the service's very popular theme park, but unfortunately missed it just by a thread.

The Bathroom Mafia

This is a warning for all of you who use public bathrooms: there is a bathroom mafia. A victim has come forward to share their story and would like to remain anonymous. They had a run-in with the bathroom mafia at their local mall during what was supposed to be a quick bathroom trip that turned into an hour-long excursion.

They noticed something was off the moment they neared the bathroom. There was a cluster of people lined up as far as they could see. The line would never move, so they cut through and went into the bathroom to see what was happening. There, they saw groups of people just sitting in and around every stall in the bathroom. No one was using the toilets; just sitting there chatting among themselves.

The victim crept forward and tried to ask if they could use the toilet, but no one would budge. They acted as if the victim wasn't even there. With their bladder calling, the victim took to drastic measures. They began yelling and making a scene, trying to make the people uncomfortable enough to leave. It worked, but as soon as one group left, another would rush in and take their place. Frustrated, the victim got physical, pushing these unbothered people as much as they could, but to no avail.

It was then that a large, finely dressed man approached the victim and told them to follow him. It didn’t seem they had an option, so they went along. The man brought them to a bench of more finely dressed men, where the one who appeared to be the leader spoke. He told the victim that they couldn’t be behaving that way in their bathroom. With no time to respond, the leader gave them a mesh sack full of some kind of white edibles and told them if they wanted to sway the bathroom, people to give them an item in the bag.

The victim was confused as they were ushered to leave and headed back to the bathroom to test out their instructions. They went up to a group and pulled out the edibles, which immediately got their attention. The victim offered one to them, stating that if they wanted it, they would have to leave the bathroom, and they did. They repeated this process until there was no one left and the victim could finally relieve themselves in private.

Train Your Brain

It’s Train Your Brain Day on October 13th! Time to stop that mindless scrolling and put your brain to the test! It’s good and healthy for you to do this, so don’t worry if it feels overwhelming. That’s the whole point of growth; you need to feel a little challenge to keep going. Here’s a list of some activities you can do to train your brain:

Do Puzzles

Probably better if you reduce your screen time and do some physical puzzles (ex. books with puzzles in them or jigsaw puzzles), but if you have to use a device, that’s fine, as long as you’re spending your time doing something stimulating for your brain.

Learn Something

Start learning a new language (think of all the new people you can connect with!) or learn a piece of history. It’s always good to learn more about the past so you can understand the present and future. Maybe try relearning algebra; even if you think it’s pointless, your brain will thank you for the challenge you give it.

Draw or Write

You don’t have to be a novelist to write. Just journaling and getting all your thoughts out will help clear your head. Or write fictional pieces and learn new words to use, or how about even writing something factual? you’ll learn a lot doing that. Maybe try drawing. It can be anything you want in any medium; even drawing simple stick drawings with a box of crayons will suffice.

Octopus Day

October 8th

Octopuses are one of the most amazing sea creatures there are. They’re incredibly intelligent and remarkable to watch. Just go watch one open a jar and see how cool it is. Also, is it octopi or octopuses? I have to fight every urge in my body that wants to say octopussy.

Handbag Day

October 10th

Need a place to store your items while on the go that’s also a stylish accessory? Try out the handbag! The handbag is a nice way to complement your outfit and store all of your most necessary items. Just think of all the things you can carry!

You are in danger of being hugged on October 10th. It’s Hug a Kevin Day, and there’s nowhere for you to hide. Don’t let anyone know your name. Keep an alias and try to survive the day without contact. You have been informed; may god help you all.

I bet you forgot how to write in cursive, so here trace the letters below:

Thank you for reading the blugg newspaper.